Legalese

3_lawyer“The Breakfast Menu: The Forgotten Plates” has been shelved, effective immediately.

We can’t go into too much detail, but suffice to say that we sold much more than we bargained for when unloading TheBreakfastMenu.com domain.

If you’re interested in finding out what “The Breakfast Menu” is all about, we’re afraid we’re no longer legally allowed to speak about the project. You’ll have to direct all inquiries to Thomas & Phranklin, the legal representatives of Romer Food Corp.

Thanks to everyone for their interest in the project.

All full,
John & Nick

PREVIOUSLY: It Is Risen

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It Is Risen

jesus_resurrected_tombHere are three words you haven’t seen in a while: “The Breakfast Menu.”

We know what you’re thinking: isn’t that project dead? Well, yes. It is. And we would never go back on a declaration like that. What’s done is done.

BUT, we’re happy to announce “The Breakfast Menu: The Forgotten Plates,” set to release in Q3 this year. “The Breakfast Menu: The Forgotten Plates” is a collection of all of the behind-the-scenes work that went into the world’s greatest undiscovered comedy project.

You want access to our personal e-mails? You got it. Recordings of our phone calls with our design studio and investor? All yours. Do you want to see the very checks we received? Done and done.

All of that and more will be available for purchase. While our research and development team says we can sell this set for $99.99, we’re prepared to offer it for a mere $74.99.

Pre-order information will be available soon. Watch this space!

More pie please,
John & Nick

PREVIOUSLY: Sunsetting

Sunsetting

Sunset_2007-1Apparently, you can fly too close to the sun. Our angel investor’s check bounced.

As it turns out, Johnny Omelette is not a real person. He’s a creation of our old buddy Fat Dom. We typically love Dominic’s skewed sense of humor, but this definitely stepped over the line.

What does this mean for “The Breakfast Menu”? We’re putting it into permanent hibernation. Sure, we could ditch the social network component and debut a fetching piece of comedy that would grab the attention of the world’s Judd Apatows and Dane Cooks. But that wouldn’t be fair to the folks out there who view our posts as promises. We’re not going to deliver a crippled experience. We simply won’t deliver any experience at all.

That way, no one gets hurt.

Thanks for everyone’s love, support and attention these past few months. It’s been one wild ride.

Finally, if anyone would like to buy the domain TheBreakfastMenu.com, please contact us with an offer.

You got chocolate in our peanut butter,
John & Nick

PREVIOUSLY: We’re Back, Baby!

We’re Back, Baby!

angelinvester

Glory be to the father! “The Breakfast Menu” has risen from the dead.

That’s right, folks. An angel investor has swooped down from the heavens and carried us back toward the sun. “The Breakfast Menu” is back on track.

More soon.

Seconds please,
John & Nick

PREVIOUSLY: Rest In Peace

Rest In Peace

main-qimg-93acc79f44dba4b7c18b8a64febbc7feWe regret to inform you that “The Breakfast Menu” is dead.

We didn’t want to make this announcement. Unfortunately, our hand has been forced. We were unable to secure any investments in the project. Devin Chopin has tainted it. No one can see the vision.

We’d like to thank all of our readers for their support. We’re sorry we couldn’t deliver on the hybrid comedy piece/social network that the 21st century desperately needs.

Check please,
John & Nick

PREVIOUSLY: Chopin Out

New Dad Live Blog

NewDadBeerOur neighbor Geoff Danilak recently welcomed his first child into the world. He volunteered to live blog the experience for JohnAndNick.com, and we certainly couldn’t say no to that. Here’s his first-hand notes from the celebratory occasion:

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 22
8:16 pm
And we’re off! My wife Layla’s water just broke. Once I’m finished with this episode of Blacklist, we’re hitting the road!

8:17 pm
FYI: Yes, I could pause the episode (as my wife just pointed out) but if you leave it for an hour, the On Demand exits and you lose all of your progress. And they don’t let you fast forward! What a pain!

8:54 pm
Headed to the car momentarily. Wife has her “go bag.” I have my “go bag” and my “snack bag,” plus a “beer bag” in case we’re there for a while.

9:01 pm
In the car! Here we go!

9:03 pm
Damn, hit the first red light.

9:05 pm
OK, I am driving right now. Let’s light this candle!

9:29 pm
Sorry, wife confiscated my phone for the rest of the drive. She’s nuts. Must be all of those hormones. We’re at the hospital.

9:40 pm
Nurse is taking vitals. Seemed like a good time to drop a deuce! We have our own private bathroom. This labor thing isn’t so bad.

9:52 pm
Doctor is here now. He looks exactly like Christian Slater. No joke. I’ll try to get a pic.

10:03 pm
We’re just sitting around waiting. This is pretty boring. Contractions are too far apart, apparently. Wish modern medicine could speed this up.

10:09 pm
Why doesn’t NBC make episodes of Blacklist available in the app? Seems like a slam dunk for advertisers and viewers alike. Very disappointing.

10:11 pm
What’s the CEO of NBC’s name and e-mail address?

10:30 pm
Just cracked open the first beer.

10:39 pm
Just cracked open a second beer.

10:44 pm
Just cracked open my third beer.

11:01 pm
Anybody down for a quick game of Words With Friends?

11:04 pm
Whoops, forgot this isn’t posting live! But I’m always down for more Words With Friends. Hit me up: Danilickingood is the username.

11:15 pm
Beer number four!

11:45 pm
Woof. This sucks. Headed to the cafeteria to kill some time.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 23
12:00 am
BRICK OVEN PIZZA?!? WOW! I didn’t expect that from a hospital.

12:15 am
Late Night is on. Jimmy Fallon is a great interviewer!

12:33 am
Going back for a second pizza. I’m thinking pepperoni this time?

12:35 am
Damn, wish I remembered my beers.

12:51 am
Getting a lot of angry texts from my wife. Apparently there’s been a lot of progress since I left! Heading back to the room.

1:02 am
OK, leaving now. Couldn’t pull myself away from Seth Meyers! He was doing a filmed piece with his brother. They look so much alike!

1:15 am
I don’t see anything different. Her vagina looks exactly the same. ({})

2:54 am
Sorry, nodded off for a bit. Didn’t expect this to take so long. Need something to keep me awake.

2:59 am
Beer number five!

3:22 am
Wife is in a lot of pain now. This is hard to watch.

3:29 am
Doctor won’t let me give her a beer.

3:45 am
She’s literally screaming with each contraction. They’re having her push. This is incredible!

3:48 am
Sneaking off to the vending machines for some Twizzlers.

3:59 am
Twizzlers got stuck. Does this vending machine not realize I’m about to be a father?!

4:02 am
Looking for somebody to break a $20.

4:20 am
There’s literally no one around at this time of night. Made my way back to the cafeteria. Broke my $20 by buying another pizza.

4:26 am
Carson Daly is hilarious.

4:39 am
Holy crap! I’m a dad! Just got a text from the wife.

4:56 am
His name is Lorne Michael Danilak.

5:19 am
Just took a pic for the article, but struggling on a filter. Amaro? Gingham?

Chopin Out

Mr.-Monopoly-brokeBrief update, folks: Devin Chopin has not returned our calls in 10 days. We learned this morning that he’s gone bankrupt after a series of disastrous investments.

Rest assured, “The Breakfast Menu” is not one of those disasters. We’re going to seek out new funding immediately, and hope to have the project out soon.

Protein up,
John & Nick

PREVIOUSLY: Let’s Get Social