Let’s Give Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving from all of us here at Carroll ünd Klinger. On this particular holiday, we’d like to give thanks for our best friend, Domonic Johnson, a.k.a Fat Dom, a.k.a. F-Dom, a.k.a. Fat D, a.k.a. The Fattest of Doms, a.k.a. The Fattest Dom, a.k.a. @TheFattestDom on Twitter.

Why not celebrate Dom by reading all of his appearances on this very fine web site of ours?

Eat that turkey, you fatass. You deserve it. We love you, Dom.

The Thanksgiving Mailbag

1.  What are you guys giving thanks for this year? — Raymond Wright from Annapolis, MD

John: I had a big health scare this year. I don’t want to bore anyone with the gruesome details, but let’s just say that I was close to death’s door at times. The priest was in the hospital room. I had rosary beads in each hand. Things were serious. I was worried I wouldn’t be here for long, and before my operation Nick visited and I was so sad at the prospect that we might not work together ever again. So I am thankful to not only be well, but to be here, writing and working with my pal again. It’s truly special, and I’m sure he feels the same way.

Nick: The toy batpod that comes with the new Dark Knight Trilogy box set is really cool. I’m really thankful they included it.

2.  Let’s talk about food, fellas. What’s your favorite dish on the big day? — Domonic Johnson from Beaver, PA

John: Fat Dom asking a question about food! Of course! I must say: I’m not a huge fan of Thanksgiving food. It might be because my Aunt Missy is a TERRIBLE cook. Just really awful. Diarrhea bad, to be specific. So I usually make up a lie about needing to go to Thanksgiving Mass since I missed it earlier in the day, and I hit up Boston Market instead on the way home. So I guess my favorite dish is Boston Market’s Rotisserie Chicken Market Bowl. I swear, food is more delicious when served all together in a bowl.

Nick: The dinner table is just a blur in my experience. I spend all day getting loaded, so whatever my mom puts on my plate is always delicious by then, and tastes just as good coming back up. That’s a testament to the cook.

3.  Are you guys big sports fans? Who are you rooting for in the holiday games? — Adam X. Paz from Washington, DC

John: I’m just rooting for everyone to have fun. I also have the Lions, Raiders and Ravens in a three-team tease. C’mon, guys! You just have to win by a combined score of 47, and poppa’s rich!

Nick: I can’t watch sports. I’m an active dude. So I typically set-up a flip cup table in the garage. Used to be a big tradition in our house, but fewer people participate each year. I usually just play both ends until I can convince someone to join me. I’ve never lost.

4.  Thanksgiving is a depraved holiday. It celebrates a group of Pilgrim settlers who stole this country from its native inhabitants. The Pilgrims raped those people, robbed them, desecrated their graves, and generally ran roughshod over the land and those who cared for it. Why do you think America callously celebrates such a depraved and hollow “holiday”? — Professor Melissa Freeman from the American Studies Department at O’Brien University

John: This one’s too easy! My favorite Thanksgiving Day parade is the Macy’s one. Hands down. Thanks for writing, ma’am!

Nick: Loosen up, lady. Have a drink.

5.  Do you go shopping on Black Friday? — Kevin Romer from Lagerville, PA

John: As my Uncle Rob likes to say: “I’d prefer it if you called it ‘African-American Friday.’” That guy is so funny. And his boss is black, so it’s totally cool that he says it. But to answer your question, I head back to my local Boston Market and buy gift cards for all of my friends and family. There’s no discount, but it’s nice to knock out all of my holiday shopping in one day.

Nick: Not recently. I have the worst luck. In fact, I’ve been hospitalized on Black Friday for the past 12 years. Happens to me on the day after Christmas, New Year’s Day, the day after St. Patty’s Day, the day after July 4, and the day after Arbor Day as well. But if my luck turns around this year, I’ll be at Best Buy! That Lenovo IdeaTab is mine, bitches!