The New Year’s Mailbag


1. How are you guys ringing in the new year? — Devin Romer in Newark, DE

John: I’ll be poring over the statistics for and wondering if comedy has any place on the Internet. Afterwards, I’ll probably check out Fergie’s pre-taped New Year’s show. Always tops Ryan Seacrest’s bullshit.

Nick: The wife’s working, so I’m flying solo. I have a case of Miller Lite, a bottle of Jack Daniels, and a copy of The Mummy Returns on DVD. You do the math.

2. Yo dudes! What are your resolutions for 2014? — Michael Ramsey in Philadelphia, PA

John: I really want to work harder on this web site and make it even better than it already is. My role model for this is Nick, who consistently amazes me with his work ethic and drive. If I can be half as good as him in 2014, we’ll be going places.

Nick: I resolve to just start giving a shit, man. I’ve been dogging it since we started. I just vomit up the first words that come to mind and then walk away. I forget 90% of the stuff we’ve done for the site. I’m surprised we made it this far.

3. What’s the best thing that happened to you in 2013? — Lisa Turtle in Carson City, CA

John: Sorry to be Mr. Corny, but it has to be starting this web site with my best friend, Nick Klinger. What an amazing journey it’s been. I can’t wait to see where the new year takes us!

Nick: Man of Steel.

4. What’s the worst thing that happened to you in 2013? — Lucy Matters in Ann Arbor, MI

John: Man of Steel.

Nick: Some guy named DookieBot97 gave our podcast a negative review in iTunes. It was really harsh. He even made fun of the way my voice sounds.

5. Hey fellas! Love the site! Can you offer up a bold prediction or two for 2014? — Michael Burns in Feasterville, PA

John: Well, I’m thinking that we’ll be picked up by a cutting-edge sketch show early in 2014. Maybe Key & Peele or The Birthday Boys. After banging out a few sketches that go viral in the Spring, we’ll really blow up when people discover the small yet hilarious roles that we’re playing in these sketches — not because we think we’re actors, but just because we’re hanging around on the set when Bob Odenkirk offhandedly says, “Hey, everybody here on set, we need a guy or two to deliver this killer line! Our actor just left with appendicitis! Does anyone want to do it? Maybe a writer or two who are just hanging out near catering?” and suddenly we’re not just writers, but actors. Lorne Michaels will call, and he’ll offer us jobs on Saturday Night Live, telling us he saw our SNL spoof thing on our web site and liked it and it indicated to him that we were really right for the show.  We’ll start there in September, but we’ll quit in November, because we’re not happy with the lack of diversity in the cast so we decide to take a stand. Y’know, because comedy isn’t as important as equality. That’s when we’ll start writing our feature-length movie script. Want to know what it’s about? Well, you’ll have to wait until this time next year, when I make some bold predictions for 2015!

Nick: I predict that somebody will REALLY regret writing a negative review of The Critics Agree: The Podcast.