Our Goals for the New Year

2015 New Year celebration

  • Be funnier.
  • Double digit visitors per day.
  • Convince our wives to read the site.
  • Publish our first piece at McSweeney’s Internet Tendency.
  • Acquire our first paying sponsor.
  • Start making more comedy videos.
  • Reach 100 followers on Twitter.
  • Get Chuck Klosterman to retweet us.
  • Open a JohnAndNick.com Shop that offers cool merchandise like mouse pads and coffee mugs with our faces on them.
  • Publish our first book.
  • Co-write hilarious JohnAndNick.com theme song with The Lonely Island*.
  • Get hired at Saturday Night Live.
  • Commission Rihanna to write a song about us.
  • Meet Barack Obama.
  • Hire a new third member. Preferably Eddie Murphy**.
  • Propose, develop and executive produce a reboot of MAD TV.
  • One of us makes a guest appearance on New Girl.
  • Publish our second book at the end of the year (a quick holiday cash-in).
  • Convince our dads they love us.
  • Create and hire a site mascot who works full-time and receives health benefits.
  • Write, produce and star in our first Judd Apatow film.
  • Convince Stephen Colbert to go on an Australian walkabout and take over his job as the new host of The Late Show.
  • Have a threesome with one of our fans***.
  • Develop the next Serial.
  • Remember to stay humble.

* Weird Al is an acceptable substitute if The Lonely Island is booked.
** Note to self: book JohnAndNickAndEddie.com to be safe.
*** Must be a woman, or our #1 fan.