- Be funnier.
- Double digit visitors per day.
- Convince our wives to read the site.
- Publish our first piece at McSweeney’s Internet Tendency.
- Acquire our first paying sponsor.
- Start making more comedy videos.
- Reach 100 followers on Twitter.
- Get Chuck Klosterman to retweet us.
- Open a JohnAndNick.com Shop that offers cool merchandise like mouse pads and coffee mugs with our faces on them.
- Publish our first book.
- Co-write hilarious JohnAndNick.com theme song with The Lonely Island*.
- Get hired at Saturday Night Live.
- Commission Rihanna to write a song about us.
- Meet Barack Obama.
- Hire a new third member. Preferably Eddie Murphy**.
- Propose, develop and executive produce a reboot of MAD TV.
- One of us makes a guest appearance on New Girl.
- Publish our second book at the end of the year (a quick holiday cash-in).
- Convince our dads they love us.
- Create and hire a site mascot who works full-time and receives health benefits.
- Write, produce and star in our first Judd Apatow film.
- Convince Stephen Colbert to go on an Australian walkabout and take over his job as the new host of The Late Show.
- Have a threesome with one of our fans***.
- Develop the next Serial.
- Remember to stay humble.
* Weird Al is an acceptable substitute if The Lonely Island is booked.
** Note to self: book JohnAndNickAndEddie.com to be safe.
*** Must be a woman, or our #1 fan.