New Dad Live Blog

NewDadBeerOur neighbor Geoff Danilak recently welcomed his first child into the world. He volunteered to live blog the experience for, and we certainly couldn’t say no to that. Here’s his first-hand notes from the celebratory occasion:

8:16 pm
And we’re off! My wife Layla’s water just broke. Once I’m finished with this episode of Blacklist, we’re hitting the road!

8:17 pm
FYI: Yes, I could pause the episode (as my wife just pointed out) but if you leave it for an hour, the On Demand exits and you lose all of your progress. And they don’t let you fast forward! What a pain!

8:54 pm
Headed to the car momentarily. Wife has her “go bag.” I have my “go bag” and my “snack bag,” plus a “beer bag” in case we’re there for a while.

9:01 pm
In the car! Here we go!

9:03 pm
Damn, hit the first red light.

9:05 pm
OK, I am driving right now. Let’s light this candle!

9:29 pm
Sorry, wife confiscated my phone for the rest of the drive. She’s nuts. Must be all of those hormones. We’re at the hospital.

9:40 pm
Nurse is taking vitals. Seemed like a good time to drop a deuce! We have our own private bathroom. This labor thing isn’t so bad.

9:52 pm
Doctor is here now. He looks exactly like Christian Slater. No joke. I’ll try to get a pic.

10:03 pm
We’re just sitting around waiting. This is pretty boring. Contractions are too far apart, apparently. Wish modern medicine could speed this up.

10:09 pm
Why doesn’t NBC make episodes of Blacklist available in the app? Seems like a slam dunk for advertisers and viewers alike. Very disappointing.

10:11 pm
What’s the CEO of NBC’s name and e-mail address?

10:30 pm
Just cracked open the first beer.

10:39 pm
Just cracked open a second beer.

10:44 pm
Just cracked open my third beer.

11:01 pm
Anybody down for a quick game of Words With Friends?

11:04 pm
Whoops, forgot this isn’t posting live! But I’m always down for more Words With Friends. Hit me up: Danilickingood is the username.

11:15 pm
Beer number four!

11:45 pm
Woof. This sucks. Headed to the cafeteria to kill some time.

12:00 am
BRICK OVEN PIZZA?!? WOW! I didn’t expect that from a hospital.

12:15 am
Late Night is on. Jimmy Fallon is a great interviewer!

12:33 am
Going back for a second pizza. I’m thinking pepperoni this time?

12:35 am
Damn, wish I remembered my beers.

12:51 am
Getting a lot of angry texts from my wife. Apparently there’s been a lot of progress since I left! Heading back to the room.

1:02 am
OK, leaving now. Couldn’t pull myself away from Seth Meyers! He was doing a filmed piece with his brother. They look so much alike!

1:15 am
I don’t see anything different. Her vagina looks exactly the same. ({})

2:54 am
Sorry, nodded off for a bit. Didn’t expect this to take so long. Need something to keep me awake.

2:59 am
Beer number five!

3:22 am
Wife is in a lot of pain now. This is hard to watch.

3:29 am
Doctor won’t let me give her a beer.

3:45 am
She’s literally screaming with each contraction. They’re having her push. This is incredible!

3:48 am
Sneaking off to the vending machines for some Twizzlers.

3:59 am
Twizzlers got stuck. Does this vending machine not realize I’m about to be a father?!

4:02 am
Looking for somebody to break a $20.

4:20 am
There’s literally no one around at this time of night. Made my way back to the cafeteria. Broke my $20 by buying another pizza.

4:26 am
Carson Daly is hilarious.

4:39 am
Holy crap! I’m a dad! Just got a text from the wife.

4:56 am
His name is Lorne Michael Danilak.

5:19 am
Just took a pic for the article, but struggling on a filter. Amaro? Gingham?

Why I’m Never Shopping at Best Buy Again

Has anyone ever noticed that Best Buy has the worst return policy ever? I tried to return my 2011 Vizio TV there yesterday after accidentally chucking my Wiimote into the screen. They refused to replace it OR fix it! What the hell, Best Buy? I guess your Geek Squad isn’t so smart after all. I’m taking all future business to HHGregg.



Wii Did It!

We finally got a Nintendo Wii U. Hilarious, yet informative review coming soon! Sneak preview: this is a fun purchase that you won’t regret!



Vote for Mike Huckabee

We’re thrilled to announce our first-ever endorsement for president! After careful consideration, we’ve decided to back former Fox News host Mike Huckabee for the position. Why? Well, Mike isn’t just a politician; he’s a musician and an artist. We think he’ll make for the best candidate to support struggling artists like us.