Our pal Fat Dom recently won the trip of a lifetime. He purchased two Triple Steak Burritos at Taco Bell, and one of them came with a prize he never dreamed he’d win. Fat Dom was flown out to Los Angeles to see the town and attend last night’s Pixels premiere at the TCL Chinese Theatre. Given the unique experience, we asked Dom to keep a diary of his trip for us:
5:00 am — Just got through security at the airport. Hardly anyone here.
5:05 am — I think I’m at the wrong terminal. Checking my ticket again.
5:07 am — I got it right! Everything’s coming up F.D. this week!
5:10 am — Throwing back a few pints at Chickie’s and Pete’s. Should help me sleep during my flight.
5:30 am — Boarding!
5:35 am — Turning my phone off! Plan is to have two more drinks and two Tylenol PMs so I can nap.
8:40 am — Just landed! There must’ve been a daylight savings or something while I was up in the air. It was a six-hour flight, but I left at 5 am and got here at 8 am!
9:00 am — There’s a guy here to pick me up. He’s wearing a tux. Small typo on the sign he was holding (said “FAT DUM”), but no problem.
9:10 am — I’m in a limo!
9:15 am — There’s no booze in here. Ugh.
9:20 am — But there’s plenty of Taco Bell! Yum!
9:30 am — Driver is taking me to the Sony lot. Should be cool. I wonder if they sell cheap TVs there!
10:00 am — Holy shit! Just drove past Freddy Prinze Jr.!
10:30 am — Sorry for the lack of updates. Been trying to spot celebs, but mostly just seeing a bunch of dumb construction workers.
10:35 am — I stand corrected! I think I just saw Haley Joel Osment.
10:40 am — Hey! That was the dog from Frasier!
10:50 am — Guess who just dropped a deuce in Hollywood?
11:20 am — At the hotel. FOUR SEASONS, yo. This place is dope.
11:25 am — Grabbing a drink at the bar.
12:10 pm — Put away a few. Pretty tired. In my room now. It’s amazing. I have a bedroom, a bathroom, a sitting room and an office. And it’s not all crammed together like a Red Roof Inn! It’s all separate.
12:15 pm — Big Taco Bell spread here. Delicious!
12:30 pm — Guess who just pooped in a Four Seasons?!?
3:30 pm — Sorry, guys. Had room service come up with some beers. Put me to sleep.
4:00 pm — Next part of my prize: I get to play a bunch of classic arcade games with Pixels star Josh Gad!
4:10 pm — Josh is running a bit late. Playing some Burger Time while I wait.
4:30 pm — Still no Gad. Moved on to Dig Dug.
4:45 pm — J.G. is here!
4:50 pm — Apparently Mr. Gad has a commitment elsewhere. We’re sneaking in a quick game of Pong.
5:00 pm — Josh is gone. I won Pong. Shut him out. Think he may have thrown the game on purpose.
5:30 pm — Back in my room. Getting dressed for the premiere. Blue tuxedo, blue martinis and cheesy double beef burritos!
6:00 pm — Driver waiting for me in lobby again. Despite my correcting him earlier, sign still says FAT DUM. A bit disrespectful if you ask me.
6:30 pm — Have the privacy shield put up. Rubbing one out in the back seat. When in Rome!
6:45 pm — We’re here!
6:50 pm — Walking the red carpet! Holy shit!
6:55 pm — No one is taking photos of me. Trying to linger so I get in some shots with celebs.
7:00 pm — Being rushed into theater. See you guys on the other side! Yay Pixels!
8:50 pm — Yikes. That was fucking terrible.
8:55 pm — These updates aren’t being published live, right?
9:00 pm — Shit, they’re about to introduce me to Adam Sandler. FUCK. What do I say? WHAT DO I SAY?!?
9:10 pm — Oh god. He was so nice to me. I didn’t know what to tell him. I said, “The location scouting was exquisite.” Hope he bought it.
9:20 pm — Goddamit, Sand Man is back. He seems to like me. Brought over to meet the director, Chris Columbus. I told him the camera angles were sharp.
9:30 pm — Sandler just asked me to visit Happy Madison offices tomorrow. Told him I’d think about it.
9:40 pm — WHERE IS MY GODDAMN DRIVER?!!?!?
10:00 pm — Back in limo. Headed home. Sandler wouldn’t let me leave without making plans for morning, but thinking I might bail.
10:25 pm — Back in hotel. On phone with airline.
10:35 pm — Apparently I cannot modify the tickets since I didn’t purchase.
10:40 pm — Fuck it. Booked my own.
10:45 pm — Having a cold one while I pack.
10:55 pm — In lobby. WHERE IS MY GODDAMN DRIVER?!!?!?
11:30 pm — Finally made it to LAX. Sandler’s assistant has called three times in past hour.
11:40 pm — Buying a new SIM Card for my cell.
12:05 am — Boarding plane.
12:15 am — In-flight movie is The Cobbler. Goddamit.
We’d like to thank Fat Dom for chronicling his one-of-a-kind trip for JohnAndNick.com! Dom texted us this morning and asked us to add, “Please thank everyone at Sony, Columbia and Happy Madison for me. Also, can I get an edit before you post?” Consider it added, Dom!