We’re ashamed to admit that we haven’t opened up the ol’ JohnAndNick.com mailbag since February 2014. That’s almost a crime, right? We’re making it up to you today! Mailbag, take it away:
Hey guys, can you write another mailbag soon? I miss it! — Heather Wright in Albany, NY
John: Your wish is our command, Heather!
Nick: Sorry about the wait, but I can only imagine how overjoyed you’ll be when you see this.
What gives, dudes? You haven’t run a mailbag in more than a year! Isn’t it easy to respond to mail? — Lisa Turtle in Carson City, CA
John: Easy? Not really. We want to give each piece of mail the attention it deserves. I understand how you can see it that way, but we put a lot of work into these.
Nick: Yeah, what John said. We put 110% into anything you see here, and I resent any implication otherwise.
Hey dudes, remember when we got drunk at the Deegs bachelor party and you two wrote that mailbag column in between shots toward the end of the night? Why have you never run that? — Domonic Johnson in Beaver, PA
John: That’s a lost column that we don’t plan on running. Maybe we’ll release it in an anthology one day, when folks are paying tribute to our historic career in comedy. But it’s not “canon” in terms of our wide swath of published work.
Nick: Didn’t we write that on a napkin?
Misters Carroll and Klinger, I hope you had a blessed Thanksgiving. My name is Herman Locke. I work in the greater Pittsburgh area with terminally ill children and help make arrangements for them to meet their heroes. I am working now with a lad who would love to meet one or (ideally) both of you in his time left with us. Speed, obviously, is of the essence! Can we make something happen before ‘14 becomes ‘15? I hope so! Let me know ASAP. — Herman Locke of Pittsburgh, PA
John: We’d love to meet the ‘lil guy, Herman. We love our fans.
Nick: Yes, please contact POB the Intern at firstname.lastname@example.org! He’ll get back to you in 6-8 weeks.
If you guys don’t run another friggin’ mailbag soon, I may kill myself. — Raymond Wright from Annapolis, MD
John: That’s extreme, Raymond. I hope you’re still alive. If so, enjoy this mailbag and then you should seek help.
Nick: That’s not even a question.