Spiritual Danger Ahead

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAWe’re once again offering our usual Wednesday post to Reverend Randy Dodge of Saint Brayden’s. Take it away, Father!

I’m writing today about an urgent issue that’s quickly overtaking our beautiful little town of Romer, PA. My main concern is that many of our parishioners and citizens don’t see what’s happening to the spirituality of our area.

In recent months, Romer has witnessed an explosion in the construction of places of worship. While religion is by no means a competition, I am concerned that these hip and trendy religious communities are actually fly-by-night organizations hoping to attract donations before fleeing town.

Remember that Saint Brayden’s (established 2011) is the only church in Romer to have lasted more than 6 months. That’s not an accident. We simply provide the best service and services in the area. Yes, we’ve been accused of intimidating other religious organizations, but such falsehoods are bound to spread amidst a small, vocal, and utterly wrong minority.

With all that being said, I’d like to list the new parishes that you should not attend, or else I’ll have you excommunicated from St. Brayden’s Parish:

  • The Church of Christ, Biologist
  • The Church of Christ, Journalist
  • The Church of Christ, Nutritionist
  • The Church of Christ, Bassist
  • The Church of Christ, Gastroenterologist
  • The Church of Christ, Meteorologist
  • The Church of Christ, Cosmetologist
  • The Church of Christ, Acupuncturist
  • The Church of Christ, Horticulturist
  • The Church of Christ, Scientologist
  • The Church of Christ, Ventriloquist
  • The Church of Christ, Abortionist

Thank you for respecting the wishes of the church. Our brand is in dire need of protection.

Sincerely,

Rev. Randy Dodge
Chief Ecclesiastical Officer
St. Brayden’s Parish

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Behind the Scenes with Rev. Dodge

ConfessionWe’re once again honored to hand today’s post over to Reverend Randy Dodge of Saint Brayden’s in Romer, PA. Today, Rev. Dodge is taking us into the confessional with him.

Reverend Randy Dodge: May God be with you, my son.

Manny Ruiz: Bless me father, for I have sinned. It has been four months and three weeks since my last confession.

Rev. Dodge: So it’s been a while. Please, unburden yourself.

Manny: Well, I’ve cussed a lot. I’ve been mean to my mom and dad more often than I should have been. I stole five dollars from my brother Jerry’s wallet. I also said “Jesus Christ” a few times, but in, like, a negative way. I’m sorry for these and all of my sins.

Rev. Dodge: Is that everything?

Manny: Yes, father.

Rev. Dodge: Nothing else?

Manny: No, father, that’s all of them.

Rev. Dodge: You’re certain?

Manny: Yes, sir.

Rev. Dodge: How old are you?

Manny: 15 years old.

Rev. Dodge: 15. Copy that. And you’ve confessed everything?

Manny: Was something wrong with my confession?

Rev. Dodge: Not at all. We priests just like to assist the congregation in perhaps finding sins that allude our memories.

Manny: OK, well I don’t think I have any of those. How many Hail Marys should I say?

Rev. Dodge: We’ll get to that momentarily. I want to get back to the sins first. Tell me: have you had any impure thoughts?

Manny: What do you mean by that, Father Dodge?

Rev. Dodge: Do you ever think of women in a way that you wouldn’t talk to me about?

Manny: I guess so.

Rev. Dodge: Like who?

Manny: Have you ever heard of Kate Upton?

Rev. Dodge: Oh, sure. Who hasn’t? So you have impure thoughts about Ms. Upton?

Manny: Sure.

Rev. Dodge: And what do you do when you have these impure thoughts?

Manny: I don’t follow, sir.

Rev. Dodge: Where are your hands when you’re thinking about her?

Manny: I dunno. By my side, I guess.

Rev. Dodge: By your side?

Manny: Yes.

Rev. Dodge: And you just keep them there?

Manny: Yes.

Rev. Dodge: By your side. Perfectly still?

Manny: Not, like, rigid. Hanging loosely.

Rev. Dodge: And you don’t do anything with them?

Manny: As far as I can recall, no.

Rev. Dodge: As far as you can recall. Well said.

Manny: Thank you, sir, I am taking debate this semester.

Rev. Dodge: So then you’re all done, correct? No more sins?

Manny: No sir. Just hoping to say my prayers and get out of here.

Rev. Dodge: You do know it’s a sin to sin in confession, right?

Manny: I never thought about it much, but that does make sense.

Rev. Dodge: It’s like a sin, but squared. That’s pretty serious.

Manny: I understand. I currently have an A in Calculus.

Rev. Dodge: I guess we’re done. Please don’t hesitate to come back if you remember anything else. For your penance, say five Our Fathers and five Hail Marys.

Manny: Thank you, father. I’ll go pound ‘em out.

Reconciling Divorce & Catholicism

We’re honored to hand today’s post over to Reverend Randy Dodge of Saint Brayden’s Parish in Romer, PA.

My children,

randydodgeBack when I was ordained, divorce wasn’t much of a problem — at least not compared to today. But now, the moral dilemmas of divorcing a Catholic marriage seem to dominate my day-to-day priestly life. So many parishioners seek me out and hope that I might offer some sort of solution: how can married Catholics separate and lead happy lives without insulting the sacred institution of Holy Matrimony? By the letter of the law, you cannot. Divorce is a sin.

But … after careful reflection, I believe I have come upon a solution that may blunt the impact of divorce on Catholic marriages while preserving the sanctity of a future, second marriage in the Church.

My message to engaged Catholics, as well as any Catholics who are unwed but plan to marry some day, is to save yourself. That’s right. Thou shalt not consummate thy first marriage. Consider this the new 11th Commandment. (We were overdue for another.)

Why? Well, to put it quite simply, you’re likely getting divorced. The numbers never lie, as Jesus told his apostles. With that in mind, let us treat the first marriage like the dry run it is. I understand that this can and will be frustrating, but I promise you, it will be worth it. Totally, totally worth it.

Jesus is watching you. Do not disappoint Him.

Sincerely,
Reverend Randy Dodge