Hey pals: I’m going on ABC’s Shark Tank in a few weeks. I’m nervous, but excited! This is a great chance to get my business off the ground. My pitch is below. I’d appreciate ANY advice you can share.
My name is James Deegler and I’m here today to pitch a revolutionary new product that’s going to completely change the way you drive and listen to music. This equipment follows in the historic lineage of amazing vehicular devices like the 8-track player, cassette player, CD player, satellite radio and Bluetooth receivers.
Driving. It’s pretty easy, right? One foot on the gas, one hand on the steering wheel. Simple. But you know what’s not easy: singing along to songs while you drive. Sure, we all know the lyrics to classics like “Hotel California” by The Eagles and “Yellow” by Coldplay. But what about when the new U2 album suddenly appears on our iPhones? Everyone’s first instinct is to listen to it on the ride home from work. But we don’t know the words yet! And we can’t play air guitar or air drums while we drive. That’s dangerous. The only safe way to rock out is by singing along. This is the most serious problem facing American drivers today: we all want to sing, but we don’t have time to learn lyrics in this crazy, fast-paced modern world of ours.
That’s where Paradise by the Dashboard Lyrics comes in to play.
Paradise by the Dashboard Lyrics is a major technological innovation that broadcasts the lyrics to whatever song you’re playing onto your windshield. Now, instead of just seeing the same old boring cars, traffic lights and stop signs, you can also see the words to all of your favorite hit songs, like Katy Perry’s “Roar” or Papa Roach’s “Last Resort.” Multi-tasking has never been so fun!
Customers can expect plenty of great add-ons once this takes off. I’m currently waiting on a patent for an extension I call Baby You Can Drive My Music Videos, which will transpose the official music videos for the songs in addition to the lyrics. This and other affordable features will present a totally immersive musical experience for our customers. I’m really excited to get it in their hands.
Now, Sharks, I want to hear from you. I’m seeking an investment of $10 million dollars in exchange for a 5% stake in my company. What do you say? Are you ready to show me that money, money, money, money? (pause) Money!*
* Please sing this last part to the tune of “For the Love of Money” by The O’Jays (available on The Apprentice soundtrack).