The World’s Worst Secret User

Lucy Zayon is a new Secret user and she doesn’t seem to quite understand the benefits of the service.

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The World’s Worst Tinder User

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Lucy Zayon is a new Tinder user and she’s only got one thing on her mind. You won’t believe the conversation she had with a particular fella who only had one thing on his mind as well.

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How to Create a Life Event on Facebook

One of my favorite new features on Facebook is the Life Event. By using it, you can notify friends and family about important happenings in your life.

Not many people seem to take advantage of this great feature, so I thought I’d write up a quick tutorial:

STEP 1: GO TO FACEBOOK

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STEP 2: SIGN UP FOR FACEBOOK

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STEP 3: CLICK ON YOUR NAME

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STEP 4: CLICK ON A CATEGORY

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STEP 5: CLICK ON A SUB-CATEGORY

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STEP 6: FILL IN THE DETAILS

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STEP 7: YAY! YOU’RE DONE!

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How To Become A Facebook Ninja!

There’s no better way to manage your personal brand on Facebook than through your profile picture. As the old Chinese proverb says, “Your Facebook avatar is a window to your soul.” With that in mind, we’re gonna show you how to manage your profile picture and cover photo in a way that makes your Facebook page relevant, timely and fun.

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The Breaking Bad Potluck

Lucy Zayon <cupcake8301@hotmail.com>
Hey guys,

BREAKING BAD IS BACK THIS SUNDAY! That means it’s time for our weekly potluck!  You know the drill: this is a roll call. Let me know what you’re bringing. Can’t wait to see you guys this weekend!!!

xoxo,
Lucy

Richard Larason <richandtinalarason@verizon.com>
Tina and I will make the guac as usual 🙂 Please tell me that Dom is bringing fish tacos!!!

Ellen Burgess <ellen.burgess@temple.edu>
I’ll bring the whiskey. We don’t need anything else.

Steve Bowes <sbow137@aol.com>
Two for one deal on Bagel Bites at Giant! I’ll bring 4 boxes!

Patrick O’Brien <purepob@gmail.com>
I’ll bring the meth!

Dan Plazchek <da_donk@yahoo.com>
Too funny, Pat 🙂 I’ll bring some soda: Dr. Pepper & Mountain Dew, most likely. Speak up if you want anything else!

Ellen Burgess <ellen.burgess@temple.edu>
LOL, Pat! Or should we call you Heisenberg? LMAO!

Richard Larason <richandtinalarason@verizon.com>
If POB’s bringing the methamphetamine, I’ll bring the bug bomb tent 😉

Steve Bowes <sbow137@aol.com>
You guys are too funny. Richard and Pat, you two should be a comedy duo 😀

Patrick O’Brien <purepob@gmail.com>
Why do you guys think I’m kidding?

Tara Mahoney <tmahoney@philadelphia.gov>
LOL Pat you’re such a card. Sorry I’m late to the email party. I’ll bring Doritos.

Dan Plazchek <da_donk@yahoo.com>
Since Pat wants to get a buzz on, I’ll scrap the soda and bring some Miller Lite. Or should I call it Schraderbraü? 😛

Patrick O’Brien <purepob@gmail.com>
Listen, I don’t know how I can make this any plainer: I met a guy who sells meth under the Market-Frankford. I can buy a teenth for Sunday. I can think of no finer way to kick off the last season.

Steve Bowes <sbow137@aol.com>
ROFLMAO

Ellen Burgess <ellen.burgess@temple.edu>
You take the Market-Frankford too??? Why don’t we ride together?????

Tara Mahoney <tmahoney@philadelphia.gov>
Okay, Pat, joke’s getting old. We don’t have any greens yet. Can you bring a veggie tray?

Lucy Zayon <cupcake8301@hotmail.com>
I was going to surprise you guys, but to calm Pat down: I’m making my own meth!  A.K.A. Blue Rock Candy!!!

Patrick O’Brien <purepob@gmail.com>
You mean to tell me that none of you guys ever watch this show and wonder what it would be like to try the crystal?

Dan Plazchek <da_donk@yahoo.com>
I just called Pat to see if he’d been hacked. He sounds serious, you guys.

Lucy Zayon <cupcake8301@hotmail.com>
Patrick!!!!! My dad’s a security guard. You can’t seriously want to bring meth into my home.

Richard Larason <richandtinalarason@verizon.com>
You guys, they’re messing with us. Just ignore them. Hey Dom: where are you? What’s the status of those fish tacos?

Dan Plazchek <da_donk@yahoo.com>
Seriously, Pat REALLY wants to try it. He just texted me a photo of his new pipe.

Patrick O’Brien <purepob@gmail.com>
I’ve already tried it, so it’s a used pipe. I want you guys to join me on peanut butter jelly time. :~~~~P

Ellen Burgess <ellen.burgess@temple.edu>
You know what? Fuck it, I’m in. Let’s do this.

Lucy Zayon <cupcake8301@hotmail.com>
ELLEN: NO. NO. NO. Anyone doing meth is uninvited.

Dan Plazchek <da_donk@yahoo.com>
So, wait, is this really happening then? Pat?

Patrick O’Brien <purepob@gmail.com>
Hey guys, I’d like to invite everyone over to my place on Sunday night for a Meth Potluck. I’ll supply the meth. You guys supply your noses.

Ellen Burgess <ellen.burgess@temple.edu>
Wait, are we snorting? I think I want to smoke it my first time.

Steve Bowes <sbow137@aol.com>
Sorry, guys. I’m sticking with Lucy’s party. I’m already addicted to something … Richard’s guacamole!

Lucy Zayon <cupcake8301@hotmail.com>
GOOD. I’m glad Pat and Ellen are having their own potluck. Feel free to come over when you COME TO YOUR SENSES!!!

Tara Mahoney <tmahoney@philadelphia.gov>
I wanted to see everyone 😦 Is there any way Pat and Ellen can come over before they do meth, then leave when they need to get high???

Dan Plazchek <da_donk@yahoo.com>
I just googled how to smoke meth. Pat, do you have a needle and a syringe? I think I’d like to try “slamming” it, as they say.

Ellen Burgess <ellen.burgess@temple.edu>
Where’d you read about that? I probably need to do some research too.

Richard Larason <richandtinalarason@verizon.com>
We’re going to Pat’s party! I know it’s crazy but I think I need to see this for myself.

Dan Plazchek <da_donk@yahoo.com>
Ellen: just go to http://www.tweaker.org. Super helpful.

Steve Bowes <sbow137@aol.com>
RICHARD!!! Are you bringing guac to Pat’s?

Lucy Zayon <cupcake8301@hotmail.com>
OMG YOU GUYS! WHAT THE HELL!?!!!?

Richard Larason <richandtinalarason@verizon.com>
Steve: If it’s OK with Pat, then yes.

Patrick O’Brien <purepob@gmail.com>
I bet guac tastes even better when you’re flailing on shards.

Steve Bowes <sbow137@aol.com>
OK, I’ll go to where the guac is. Sorry, Lucy.

Tara Mahoney <tmahoney@philadelphia.gov>
I think that’s everyone? OK, I’ll go to Pat’s. You could come too, Lucy.

Lucy Zayon <cupcake8301@hotmail.com>
GUYS THIS IS PEER PRESSURE THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT THEY TOLD US NOT TO DO IN SCHOOL

Patrick O’Brien <purepob@gmail.com>
Lucy, you’re not invited. You’ll be too much of a drag, yo.

Lucy Zayon <cupcake8301@hotmail.com>
AM I SUPPOSED TO WATCH BREAKING BAD ALONE?

Dom Johnson <fatdom@aol.com>
Hey guys, sorry I’m late to the party. Do I still need to bring fish tacos to Pat’s, or are we good?